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Emotional Intelligence and Your Toddler
Tantrums - one of our least favorite things about parenting. What can you do? I knew he was tired and hungry – this was an emergency run to the grocery. I knew I was tired and hungry, too. Adam and I were not at our coping best. The last thing I wanted was a meltdown. WHAT TO DO? Use my grandmother/coaching skills when the tantrum started? Talk to him about what he was feeling? Use it as a lesson in emotional intelligence – frustration tolerance and self-management? I did what any sane grandmother would do: I avoided the aisle completely. I got out of the store as fast as I could. As soon as I’d paid for them, I gave him a Capri drink and a little box of raisins, and gave myself some too! I kept calm and talked in a soothing voice. It was 6 p.m., and he was a little time bomb waiting to go off. Nor was I at my best. TANTRUMS Tamtrums are an inconvenient part of life with toddlers, and the best defense is a good offense: Avoid the circumstances that provoke them. Management depends upon your emotional intelligence because a toddler doesn’t have any! They’re still pretty “basic” -- they lack the vocabulary to express themselves in words, they lack the ability to cope with delayed gratification, and then have zero self-awareness. You’ll be teaching all these things later on, but developmentally, they aren’t capable yet. It’s up to you to avoid provocative situations as best you can, especially when your toddler is already tired, hungry or stressed. DISTRACTION Toddlers are also still fairly easy to distract, and sometimes that’s the best course of action. They’re just learning “object permanence.” In other words, if they’re screaming for something (a candy bar they see) and you can remove it, it can be a case of “out of sight, out of mind”. Do it now, because it won't work much longer! Like if he’s in his high chair, whisk the candy bar away, grab a utensil and start tapping out the rhythm of one of his favorite songs, sing and make faces. Sometimes it works! My friend, Becky, sings a special soothing song at such times. It’s become conditioned with her daughter. She starts to calm down. THE TANTRUM IN-PUBLIC Every parent's least favorite happening. What to do? – Remember, you’re not a bad parent. Toddlers R Tantrums. You may feel like you’re “giving up” or “giving in” when you avoid situations that stress your toddler, but that’s an emotionally intelligent thing to do. And don't be unduly concerned about what others are thinking. We watch because a child's cries are designed to tug at our heart strings. Most people's reactions will be concern, and also being glad it isn't them this time! FRUSTRATION We’re humans, we want things, we have emotions. When you’re on a diet, do you go to Baskin-Robbins and sit at a table and watch other people eat ice cream? If you’re married, would you subject yourself to a private outing with an attractive member of the opposite sex? If you’re broke, would you go window-shopping at the most expensive clothes-store in town? No, no, and no. It would be torture. We don’t subject ourselves to temptations that frustrate us when we can help it. You can anticipate what will frustrate your toddler, and act accordingly. There’s nothing wrong with getting a sitter and going to the toy store by yourself. In fact it’s emotionally intelligent! Wise parents and grandparents “toddler-proof” the house to keep down frustrations. You’ll still have to manage not playing in the toilet, not eating the dog food, not pulling the cat’s tail, and not punching little sister … so why not remove the crystal dish on the coffee table, and the glass floral arrangement in the bedroom for a couple of months and give yourself a break? P.S. The Terrible Twos really don’t last forever. Recommended reading: About the Author Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach, GLOBAL EQ. Emotional intelligence coaching to enhance all areas of your life - career, relationships, midlife transition, resilience, self-esteem, parenting. EQ Alive! - excellent, accelerated, affordable EQ coach certification. Susan is the author of numerous ebooks, is widely published on the Internet, and a regular speaker for cruise lines. For marketing services go here. More Baby Care articles
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